Social Media: Grit or Quit?
In her 2015 book Reclaiming Conversation, which examines the impact of smartphones on human interaction, MIT professor Sherry Turkle wrote that “we are forever elsewhere.”
This is one of the many quotes that stuck with me after reading Jonathan Haidt’s eye-opening book The Anxious Generation - a stunning summary of the impact of social media on Gen Z’s mental health.
While the book zoned in on Gen Z, it’s no extrapolation to say the impacts transfer to us all. How often are we more obsessed with the world in our devices rather than present with the world in front us?
As a resilience educator, university professor and soon-to-be parent, the book called me to reflect on my own relationship with social media. What impact does it have on my own mental health, well-being and relationships? What will I role model to the clients I coach, the college students I teach and the child I parent?
Most importantly, what does practicing resilience look like in the digital space?
I know I’m not alone in my experiences of social media causing disruptive amounts of stress, anxiety and distraction in my daily routine. The constant advertising, self-promotion, notifications (that are junk half the time) and opportunities for negative social comparison are exhausting.
If it’s so bad (and we know it) why not just quit altogether?
What makes social media tricky is that while it can consume us in negative ways, it also has immense capacity for good when used wisely. It is unmatched in its ability to network, bridge distances between loved ones, crowd source, share information and so much more. That’s what makes this conversation so complex.
Resiliency in our relationship with social media will require mindfulness and intention – managing the negatives of the platforms while maximizing the positive in a way that works for you.
I’m not out to make social media an enemy in of itself - but we must monitor the type of relationship we have with it - and that is entirely personal. What habits uplift us and what habits undo us will be unique to each person.
Being intentional in social media use will reduce stress, help us stay grounded and elevate our overall well-being.
The Cost of Constant Connection
Social media has swelled over the last ten years. Instagram, Facebook, X, Threads, Marco Polo, TikTok, Snapchat—the list goes on. Yet, research shows we’re more disconnected than ever. Although it’s easier to stay in touch with our communities, many social media users feel distant. Instead of togetherness, we feel pressured to keep up.
Research shows that 60% of users report negative impacts on self-esteem, largely due to constant comparison with curated, unrealistic representations of others' lives. Additionally, 50% of users report that social media has a negative impact on their relationships, as cited in The Art of Communication by Randy Fujishin.
Social media has a way of encouraging our brains to constantly hop to the next big thing. Videos have grown shorter and more “scrollable,” we auto-fill text conversations to prioritize efficiency, and the average social media user sees 192 notifications per day.
We weren’t designed to be this plugged in. Constant noise keeps us from the stillness resilience needs to grow. Excessive social media usage has been shown to reduce sleep, decrease presence in the moment, and foster shallow, unfulfilling interactions.
In The Anxious Generation, Jonathan Haidt notes, “This is the great irony of social media: the more you immerse yourself in it, the more lonely and depressed you become. This is true both at the individual level and at the collective level.”
From Autopilot to Intention
So how do we maximize the positives of social media while minimizing its drawbacks?
Resiliency embraces flexible thinking: social media participation does not need to be an “all or nothing” mindset. Don’t let a few negative experiences color the whole of your relationship with social media. We have the power to influence our virtual environment in a positive way. We control and define what our participation in digital communities looks like.
These reflections prompted me to do a full app audit and reflect on what my true purpose was for social media use. Finding clarity on what I wanted to give and get online helped me make a positive shift mentally, be more present, and manage my relationship with social media better.
Keep what fills your cup. Pour out what doesn’t elevate your resilience.
In practice, this meant streamlining and simplifying. Moving forward, I’m reducing the number of platforms I use and the amount I post and scroll. I’ve deleted apps off my phone so I can only access the ones I’m keeping through a web browser. I’ve made the difficult—and sometimes awkward—choice to mute “medium” friends, acquaintances, and connections that didn’t belong in my digital space. These actions cut out distractions while also maintaining space for the voices and virtual spaces that uplift my well-being, increase my connection with others, and support a healthy professional network.
On the flip side, it was also important to me to maintain spaces where I offer good into the world. I’m an educator at heart, and social media can be a powerful canvas for insights, coaching tips, and overall good vibes that promote learning and growth. I don’t want to stop giving—I want to focus on giving by being selective about where I dedicate my attention.
The Resilience Connection
In the question: grit or quit? I’ve found an answer somewhere in between: limit.
Limiting social media use increases mindfulness, reduces stress and anxiety, and may even improve sleep—all things that boost resilience, energy, and confidence in our daily lives. A series of studies at Harvard and the University of Virginia found that stillness improves focus, empathy, and memory.
Keep what lifts your resilience and remove what lowers it. Be mindful of the impact it has on you and set up the boundaries you need to protect your best energy.
To put it simply: you get your best returns where you invest your best energy.
As humans, we need community and connection, but we also need moments of stillness and solitude. Holding space for both allows us to give the best version of ourselves to those around us.
Curate with Care - Practical Tools for a Healthier Digital Life
A limit isn’t a loss—it’s a protection of time, clarity, confidence, and true connection.
I’d like to invite you to take part in your own app audit. Start by defining your “why?” for social media use and let your purpose guide you in curating your digital community.
How to get started:
First, pause and ask yourself: “Why am I on social media? What do I want to gain? What do I want to give?—or give?”
Second, let that answer guide these actionable steps as you refine your digital strategy:
Audit social platforms and time spent on each according to your purpose. Are your current habits moving you closer or further away from your goal?
Set tangible time and space boundaries on how much you use each platform.
Mute and/or remove what drains you on all platforms.
Switch to browser access only and delete the apps from your phone to reduce impulsive use (and bedtime phone scrolling).
Deactivate or delete apps and platforms you don’t truly enjoy.
Turn off badges, banners and instant notifications for the apps you do keep on your device - use your phone settings to batch and summarize them instead - reducing distractions.
As for me, I’m still showing up online—just in fewer places.
You can still find me active on LinkedIn, my newsletter and this blog - the platforms I find I enjoy the most. But, you will no longer find me on Instagram, Facebook business page or apps like Snapchat or Marco Polo.
If you choose to do your own social media audit, give the reflections time and space to develop. It has taken me the better part of a year to determine a happy landing place with social media.
To support you in this, I’ve created an additional free resource for folks looking to examine and improve their relationship with their digital spaces. The PDF includes journal prompts and homework assignments to explore your current habits and their impact.
Download here: Social Media Audit Worksheet
